Doreen Wood 20 Aug 1931 to 26 Aug 2010
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My mum had been a little bit unwell for a few days recently. But to my surprise, a few hours before we were due to board the plane to Corsica and the GR 20, I got a phone call from my dad telling me that she had died, very suddenly indeed.
The doctor was equally surprised, since she only arrived a few minutes after my dad had found my mum lying peacefully in the hall.
It was very hard for my dad to find her that way, but we all know that it was the way she much preferred to go. She absolutely hated hospitals and doctors and the idea of ending her days in a hospital bed filled her with horror.
Everyone thinks they have a great mum I’m sure. My brother and I are no different. But the fact is, she was a great mum.
She was endlessly kind and self sacrificing. Despite being very grumpy about anything in the world that wasn’t done the way she thought it should be, she let us do exactly as we liked, whenever we liked. Never judging us harshly, no matter what daftness we got up to. For that, I have often been very grateful. There is no substitute whatsoever for being allowed to make your own mistakes, and your own successes.
And she always cooked proper, nourishing, traditional British food. Every day no matter how she felt.
I remember when her mum died, she still couldn’t be persuaded from putting a good plate of food on the table. I know now not only how hard that is to do every day without fail, but just how important it is for health and happiness to eat real food, not some rubbish from a packet.
And it wasn’t just us. She was always feeding some animal or other whether it was the succession of pets we had over the years or the birds and other wild-life wandering about in the garden. It’ll be a leaner time for many a creature around the Wood house, though dad is already planning to carry on where she left off.
And with my dad having a back injury and having great difficulty balancing, she took on more things even as she found it more difficult to get about herself. It wasn’t that dad asked her, she just did things, and couldn’t be dissuaded from doing them, even when unwell. He has a lot of adjustments to make and things to learn in the time ahead but he’s already working out plans to cope with daily things that mum used to do for him. It’s very impressive to see.
In the mean time, the Big Walk crew are making their way across Corsica on the GR 20 without us. After a great deal of agonising we’ve decided to go anyway (two weeks later than planned), and might even catch up with one of them to bag the highest peak on the island.
For now, we have the usual melee of things to work through and work out in the days and weeks ahead. Things that must be done when anyone leaves us like this. But once that is over, there will always be an awful gap in our lives where once we had mum.
(Those that knew her probably know that Mum hated money being spent on flowers at funerals and always preferred to make a charitable donation instead).
September 9th, 2010 at 09:13
Dear Dave,
I’m more sorry than I can say to read this, and my heart goes out to you and your family. I lost my own mother very suddenly 2 years ago, though, and so I understand what you say about it having been the best way for your mum to go. As time passes, that does make the pain easier to bear. I’ll be thinking of you.
Love,
Shirl
September 9th, 2010 at 12:51
Thanks Shirl. It is time that helps with this kind of thing.
September 9th, 2010 at 20:06
Time does help and I sorry to hear your mother has passed away. A fantastic tribute you wrote about your mum Dave.
September 9th, 2010 at 20:59
Thanks Martin – appreciate your comment as I always do :)
September 10th, 2010 at 05:49
Dave, I was sorry to hear your news. She sounds like a wonderful woman and it must have come as a great shock.
We none of us get to chose the manner of our own passing, but I think if we could, then it would be a rare person who didn’t opt for swift and pain-free, despite the terribly sudden hole we leave behind.
September 10th, 2010 at 09:58
Thanks Chris, it is certainly some comfort to us that it is exactly the way she hoped to go.
September 11th, 2010 at 19:43
[...] Packing has been interesting since we were mostly packed, but we can’t really be sure just how close we were to finishing since rather a lot has happened since then… And things like batteries need to be charged again, the fridge cleared out and the half packed bags emptied to see how much kit made it inside before we got the phone call. [...]
September 16th, 2010 at 16:24
Sorry to hear about this, you have my condolences :(.
October 3rd, 2010 at 16:00
Thanks Juris. It’s a sad time. I do appreciate that comment.
October 14th, 2010 at 21:46
We’re so sorry to hear this Dave. I never had the pleasure of meeting your mom but I know how dearly loved she was by you and all your friends. Our thoughts are with you, your brother and your dad at this difficult time. *hugs*
October 14th, 2010 at 22:05
Thanks Claire and Chris – appreciate the transatlantic hugs :)
October 14th, 2010 at 22:33
Hi Dave,
I am not good with words, but what a lovely piece to write about your mum. I do hope that your dad is ok, as well as the rest of the family. You have always seemed quite a strong family unit to me.
You never forget someone who has been that big a part of your life and you always cherish the good times and hold onto them fond memories.
Take care
Claire x
October 14th, 2010 at 22:47
Thanks Claire. You’re right, she won’t be far from our thoughts :)
October 14th, 2010 at 22:54
This is an amazing and emotional tribute Dave. Much love to all of you.
Steve
October 14th, 2010 at 22:58
Thanks Steve. It all kind of fell out of my head at once a couple of evenings after. Appreciate you coming by :)
November 11th, 2010 at 19:53
Dave,
It was such a dear tribute to your mum, she was clearly deeply loved and will be missed terribly.
Cherish the memories my friend and keep them in your heart, they will be with you forever.
My thoughts are with you all
Mike
November 11th, 2010 at 20:30
Thanks Mike. Really appreciate the kind thoughts.